WARNING: This post is my mind trying to put words to my soul – and it is messy.
I have always categorized my life. I am sure it is that string of OCD within me that I have to label, organize, and categorize everything (and when something doesn’t have a category it frustrates me and then I have a “Monica moment” where I shove “it” in a closet and try to forget that “it” exists but in then end I can’t). I know that is probably an odd way to think about your life but it has worked for me so far.
Until this year.
For a while it was home and school, then it was work, home, and school, then it was home, work, school, and coaching, and finally it was again just work and home again. And I was very happy and content with my categories. I typically try to not let one category bleed into another though it naturally will happen at times; work into home or home into work.
This year, however, my work bled all over my home life. To say transitioning into this new job was rough is a severe understatement. I have never felt more defeated and even though I tried to stay positive I just couldn’t – I got swept away in my own mourning. I mourned for my old colleagues, students, and administration. It was a series of ups and downs, highs and lows and it really started to take a toll on my family life. I felt like I was in a haze and it was swallowing me up. My time with Chase and Q was great; but, I had this tension in my body and my mind I couldn’t shake.
It all went something like this:
- Build a reputation, again
- Earn your colleagues respect, again
- Follow new rules, that you disagree with
- No one trusts me
- Be true to your teaching philosophy, even when it isn’t accepted
- Be willing and open to new ideas as they are good too
- Remember you are new
- Staple your own copies
- Copy your own copies
- Learn new systems, again
- Be positive, stay positive
- See things from their perspective
- Write a new curriculum
- Justify said curriculum, over and over
- What the heck is a learning scale?
- Where are the working computers!?!?!?
- What have I done?
And then one day, it stopped. It just stopped. I finally was able to let go of my old school because I knew I just had to. I was being ridiculous. It was verging on self-pity and let’s just face it a good amount of arrogance, and I needed to just stop and find my place again, figure out my role, make a decision and stick with it, stop floating around in uncertainty (which by the way is not categorize-able).
These last three weeks, I have been able to breathe again. I feel at peace with my new school and my new colleagues. I have found my role and my place (I think) and I am really looking forward to next year. My home and work have resumed their peaceful balance and I am sure Chase and Q are pretty happy to see me happy.
Corny as it sounds, and yes, I got this off Pinterest in a moment of need, but I have these 7 rules printed out by my computer in my classroom (and I am working on number 6 the most).
Onward to a two-week Spring Break!